


empty

by chogifly



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Rape, im sorry johnny, i’m sorry jaehyun, theyre both minors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 09:33:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16134515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chogifly/pseuds/chogifly
Summary: warning- rape. depression.do not read if you are triggered by certain subjects.





	empty

**Author's Note:**

> warning- rape. depression.
> 
> do not read if you are triggered by certain subjects.

"jaehyun, you need to leave. it isn't healthy for you to stay with him." instead of registering in his brain, the words echoed around his mind, emptiness fluctuating in his body. "are you listening to me? you're not safe. leave him, jaehyun. i'll take you under my wing."

 

what does he say to him though? how can jaehyun face johnny? blank. nothing came up, and there was no answer to taeyong's proposal. outside noises became static, and all feeling was lost. all he had now was greyness of his sight, and the unanswered questions floating around his head.

 

taeyong saw that jaehyun had drifted off, and sighed heavily. he didn't get to see jaehyun this often, johnny always controlling his life, but taeyong couldn't help but feel dread for the younger. jaehyun loves johnny too much. to the point where even when being harassed, he chooses to stay.

 

taeyong gives up, and stands to walk to the counter to pay for his and jaehyun's drinks in the little coffee shop they sat in. he walked out the door, giving one last glance of concern before turning around.

 

 

he sits there for a while, staring into the seat opposite him, before slowly coming back to reality. he looks out the window and curses at the sky.

 

it's getting dark outside. (it's strangely johnny's voice that resonated within his ears.)

 

he stands up, walking out the shop without checking to see if he needs to pay. he needs to be home. he has to get home quickly. johnny will be angry. he will be mad and disappointed and upset.

 

steps continued to get faster and faster, quicker and quicker, and breathes started to become shorter and shorter, fingers trembling and eyes wide.

 

not once did it cross his mind that it was wrong. not once did he think about his body and emotions. his heart is a void. a dark void, a never ending emptiness consuming his whole body, numbing fingertips and toes. nothing fills his hollow skeleton, and nothing that makes him happy works anymore.

 

he stepped onto the ledge at the front door, reaching for the handle. the door opens before he is able to touch the knob.

 

"where the fuck have you been?" no reply. he is dragged forward by his wrist with many injuries, and he finally starts to feel something rippling through him.

 

fear.

 

he is dragged up to the bedroom, and thrown onto the bed. he is being kissed harshly, a large hand behind his head, gripping his hair tightly. jaehyun cannot do anything but moan and whimper, pretending to enjoy the harshness of johnny's actions.

 

suddenly, soft hand movements lingered around his jean button. johnny looks jaehyun in the eye, and starts the pull his jeans down. jaehyun bites his lip in fear of what's about to happen to him, but johnny takes it as a sign of excitement.

 

a scream is suddenly evicted out of his mouth as he is rolled over onto all-fours and and a saliva-slicked finger enters his ass. it hurts. it hurts so much but jaehyun forced a strangled moan out of his mouth. his hands are clenched, long nails breaking skin and leaving welting injures that bring blood.

 

he's 15. this shouldn't be happening to him. he shouldn't be laying here, lifeless, empty. he's young. why is he feeling like this? why is the world cruel to him?

 

another finger enters him, and vines feel like they're crawling up his throat. he's gasping, desperate for air, about to cry, but johnny keeps going. jaehyun mouths a word over and over. no.

 

a third finger enters him, covered in even more spit, and the digits inside his forces their way to a sensitive spot inside him. it's uncomfortable. his body jerks, and he hates the uncomfortable feeling going through his body. no.

 

the cuts of his wrists are starting to bother him, becoming itchy and painful, but it's nothing compared to what's going on now. he whispers a faint, "no," but it goes ignored.

 

jaehyun lays there, hiding his unshed tears from the other.

 

johnny slows down, and jaehyun build up the courage to reach behind and pull the other's fingers out. a jolt resonates within his body as a kiss is placed on his back, and when johnny leaves the room to clean his hands he quickly pulls up his jeans. he lays on the bed, feeling dirty and used. feeling broken but empty.

 

johnny crawls back into bed, arms wrapping around jaehyun's waist and shirt, whispering "i love you," towards his hair. jaehyun only mumbles, closing his eyes and pretending to be tired, when in reality he is far from sleep.

 

he lets a tear fall from his eye.

 

 

 

 

"jaehyun. can i talk to you? in private." lucas asks, grabbing jaehyun's hand softly and pulling him away from johnny.

 

"what is it?"

 

"it's about johnny. ten told me that... he's been sending nudes to him." and with a simple sentence, jaehyun shatters. lucas obviously sees how distraught jaehyun is, and brings him in for a hug. jaehyun can't bring himself to wrap his arms around lucas, or confront johnny about it, but it seems like he doesn't need to.

 

he's in his parents place, in the bathroom standing in front of the sink as he gets a message on his phone.

 

From, Johnny. 15:34

Can we break up...

 

bile rises up his throat, as he types back.

 

To, Johnny. 15:37

yeah, okay.

 

and finally, the sob he had held in for so long, is let out.

 

 

 

this world made a 13 year old boy depressed.

 

this world allowed a 13 year old boy figure out how to take the blade out of a pencil sharpener.

 

this world let a 14 year old boy scar himself over and over.

 

this world let a 14 year old boy wake up, empty, tired, hollow.

 

 

so is it all that hard to believe, that this 15 year old boy finally had enough?

 

the world is imperfect. sometimes it feels like the whole world is against you, but it isn’t. it never will be.

 

you just have to look for the perfection in the imperfection. because there are so many things to enjoy out there. there are so many people you can enjoy a smile and laugh with.

 

life is tough. but you can live through it. you choose what you want to happen with your life. you choose whether you see the imperfections or the perfections. you choose whether to see the cold, ugliness or the raw beauty. you choose.

 

because the only way to create your future, is to create it yourself

**Author's Note:**

> honestly. i don’t know what to say.  
> this was literally just me writing. it’s not edited. it’s not creative. the grammar probably fucking sucks. but it’s my raw emotion. 
> 
> many things written here i have experienced myself. it took me a long 8 months to get me how i am now, but i am still hesitant whenever around someone who shares a romantic interest with me.
> 
> if you ever find yourself in this situation, and you are uncomfortable, say no.  
> say no. or they will choose for you. if you don’t say anything, whether it be a man or a women they will probably choose for you.
> 
> if you are uncomfortable, or don’t want to do it, please please please say no. don’t do what i did and endure it and keep quiet. none of you guys deserve to go through what i did.
> 
> to be honest it’s hard talking about this for me, but i just wanted to write something i could release my feelings with. it’s been a long 8 months of isolating myself from people.
> 
> almost everything here is me. 90% of it is what happened to me in my life the past 12 months.
> 
> say no guys. i cant stress that enough.


End file.
